my colleagues are gonna hate me. they are gonna hate me for life. but i'm sry i didn't mean it. Today marks the guiltiest day of my life. remember it, remember this day and nver let it happen again. NVER.

aim of the coming world cup... brand new guitar..

TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE...FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
3. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair.
6. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
7. Birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
9. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
10. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
11. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
12. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
13. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
14. You have enough clothes.
15. You have too many shoes.
16. Crying is blackmail.
17. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one. Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
19. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
21. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
22. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
23. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
24. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
25. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, or Jet Li flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway).
26. Check your oil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
27. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
28. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
29. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
30. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle (stare). We're going to look anyway. It's genetic.
33. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something, but not both.
34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
35. If it itches, it will be scratched.
36. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
37. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.
38. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.
39. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that. It's like camping

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
• You have two cows.
• You sell one and buy a bull.
• Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows
.• You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
• You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
• You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.A BRITISH CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
• You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You count them and learn you have five cows.
• You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
• You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
• You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
• You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
• You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• You have 300 people milking them.
• You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
• So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
• They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
• They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
• You have two cows.
• That one on the left is kinda cute... so are the sheep.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
• You have two cows.
• You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
• The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells, the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
• The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
• Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.• No balance sheet provided with the release.
• The public buys your bull.

"u are in the waiting list, latest u will know e outcome by late june."

-This freakin means that there's no more freakin' place for me, so I have to be placed in the waiting list.. wat the fuck? Is my stupid results that bad? crap...