it's been a couple of weeks since i last blogged. some of u may think i'm fine. but here's the bad news..i'm back to that hole which i have been trying to climb out months ago. sometimes i feel that i'm really stupid to have fallen deeper into this hole just when i was about to climb out. the deeper the fall. the greater the struggle to climb out. the greater the struggle, the easier u'll fall deeper.

again.. i'm struggling like mad. my mind is full of her again. watever i do i think of her. living my life just to see her smile. but she just couldn't accept it. she couldn't give up her current bf. that's so discouraging to hear sometimes. she makes me, then breaks me. she wants to meet me. i arranged everything, always looking forward to seeing her, den she backed off @ the last min. i dunno whether i shud b angry, sad, disappointed or watever shit. but it just sucked to have the feeling that u are being taken for granted.

the reason i fall deeper is because i always put other's before me. think of her first before myself. well, wat the fuck did i get in return? i guess this is just something that i get out of being nice. maybe i shouldn't be such a nice person anymore... at least to her.

no use being angry. i guess my mates, bros, close friends have all given my their piece of advice. i guess it's really up to me, in the end, to do what i should do. it'll be difficult. it's always not easy to do. but i guess i really have to concentrate on forgetting miss mo li for the sake of myself. for the sake of not making myself so low, so without pride, so empty, so sad, so jibai.

so feel like screaming now. but to do that. i'll wake up the entire neighbourhood... see... in the end i'm still a nice guy, putting other's before me... jibai........